Today I opened the blinds for the first time in three months.
It feels like five months, because that’s when I moved out of the bedroom that I shared with my husband of fourteen years. I slept in the guest room the very day I returned from FairieWorlds in Eugene, Oregon. Being in that fae energy as Lugh’s long hand pointed out the sun’s rays of fading light,
I knew I couldn’t enter into the Dark Times with such a heavy heart and eyes closed to the pain.
After FaerieCon in Philadelphia I moved out. I found a Goddess friend, another mama who had a room for rent down the street from the kids’ school. Financial security had been a concern but with her ready-made home (including a room full of furniture for me) and a sale at Linens N Things, I moved in for $41.
After FaerieCon in Philadelphia I moved out. I found a Goddess friend, another mama who had a room for rent down the street from the kids’ school. Financial security had been a concern but with her ready-made home (including a room full of furniture for me) and a sale at Linens N Things, I moved in for $41.
Yeah for abundant thoughts!
On the first day in the “Canyon Cottage” I closed the blinds and covered them with a dark tapestry and beads so that only filtered light could escape. Then I took a long nap. For three months I’ve used my room as my cave of healing. I’d go home to the big house for three days on with the kids (the boys stay in the house and the adults shelp back and forth). Then for three days off, I’d go back to the cave – the recluse –
Where I could find myself again and explore how I show up in relationships.
Pilar, my roommate, doesn’t have a coffeemaker (or a microwave for that matter, but we do have a blender). So whenever I stayed here, I had to make due with tea. I chose Jasmine Green Tea. During the autumn’s windy months, I applied tons of Jasmine oil. Jasmine was a fortunate choice since this flower is sacred to Quan Yin, the Goddess of Compassion, as well as Mother Mary.
Compassion is what I need most today – for myself and everyone else intimately connected to me as I make this transition.
And now my heart has been lifted by friends – old and new, by new acquaintances, mystery, serendipity, trust and hope. So today I lifted the tapestry and opened the blinds. For the first time since October 19, light spilled into my room.
My friend Ana emailed me her lovely response...
ReplyDeleteLight that just started to come in, will continue opening space for you, a space you probably neglected to yourself while trying to be loyal to the cause of marriage.
Light will be there to shine your soul, and you will become in love with life. Your children will enjoy your being and you will find yourself in a better place.
Tomorrow, open the window completely, and let light come in.
Be good to yourself and let yourself ask for what you need. You will be surprised by the love of people around you.
Many of us have been there too and we know how it feels. You are not alone.
Love and light, as you always said.