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 Lisa and I decided that Freya was actually a better choice for Damiana. I think once you see what I've written about this sexy Goddess, you'll know why. (All I can say, is ever since I wrote about this beauty, I've been wearing my amber necklace almost every day.) Excerpt from The Faerie's Guide ot Herbalism and Green Magick "When using Damiana for its aphrodisiac qualities, we suggest paring with Freya, the Norse goddess of sensual love and war. Usually depicted as a spectacular strawberry blond with stunning blue eyes, Freya’s unbridled sexuality was legendary and far surpassed any other exploits of Goddesses of Love or Beauty throughout the world’s pantheons. She was revered by women as the keeper of lust and sexual pleasure. Freya had many lovers, although she deeply adored her husband Od. In ancient times, monogamy had not been invented and infidelity was the social norm.
Outside of the bedroom, Freya still held considerable power. She had the right to claim half the souls of the bravest warriors who died in battle. Visiting the battlefield, she gathered fallen soldiers and took them back with her to Valhalla, to live in perpetual rest and recreation. When Freya and the Valkyries rode forth on their missions, their armor caused the beautiful flickering light that we know as the Aurora Borealis, or Northern Lights. She wore a falcon cloak and rode in a chariot drawn by two large cats. Her magical necklace made by dwarves of amber and rubies was called a "brisling" or "brisingamen" made her irresistible.
Freya's passions were abundant, vigorous, and unrestrained. She reminds us to explore and acknowledge all of our emotions, longings, and traits. Clothed or not, she is usually shown in sensual poses. Since Friday was named after the Goddess Freya, try making your Damiana Liqueur on Friday to truly bring out the Freya in you. In each one of us exists a powerfully sensual being. When she turns on her sex appeal, like Freya, none can resist her. Her passion cannot be contained – it knows no limits or boundaries and is free from all shame or condemnation. For not only does she possess alluring sensuality, she is also fierce and commanding. She is Divine. She is Deity. She is your Sacred Slut – your Holy Whore and you’ve ignored her for far too long. Are you cringing? Remember, if it were not for Her lustful energy, Her desire to couple, humanity would not exist. She is holy to all who live. And she’s waiting for you to take her out of the darkness and bring her to the light – to put her on her rightful pedestal where she can be admired and adored." This excerpt is followed with a recipe and mediation for making Damiana Liqueur. I'll be testing the recipe in the month of February, near Imbolc. February was named after the Latin term februum, which means purification. Imbolc also celebrates purification, of which the ancient definition is "free from spiritual pollution." And sisters and brothers, I think our sexuality could all use a little purifying to return it to its rightful and sacred place in humanity. Don't you?
 That scent Lisa is talking about is Jasmine that's been infused in almond oil for a month. The recipe for the sugar scrub will be in the Faerie's Guide to Herbalism and Green Magick! And Lisa, you should remember it was sugar not salt because you accidentally ate it since it smelled so good. But it's even better when you scrub that amazing scent all over your body, rinse, then follow up with Jasmine oil. Yeah baby, that'll get your motor running.... Another herb to help in that loving feeling is Damiana, which I was introduced to in liquor form at the Northern California's Women Herbal Symposium in Laytonville. Imagine a group of a hundred women dancing under the stars around a bonfire to wild drumming and drinking the sweet syrupy liquor with a nice little bite. Lots of howling. Lots of happy men when we return. Talk of Damiana brings me back around to my journey through the rebirth of my own sexuality and sensuality after the cord cutting process of a dissolved marriage. It's perfect timing really that I could be an inspiration to Lisa - post surgery - to feeling the innate beauty inside every woman. A reminder that our beauty is really in our confidence, the way we carry ourselves, the way we love ourselves. I have been working with Aphrodite to help me find the sacred and divine in my version of the feminine sexuality, which is some combination of Mae West, Lady Godiva and a Wild Fae Chick I'm free to make choices for who I want to spend time with for the first time in 14 years. I'm no longer stuck with a contract or because I said I would until the day I died. Well, I did die in that marriage. And only through sheer courage and more love for myself than fear of the unknown did I make this stand for life again. It feels scary and exhilerating. Aphrodite is very gentle with me. My statue of her is open and beautiful (it's not exactly like the one above, but it's close). Aphrodite embodies my guiding word for the year "available." Available to Life in all it's forms. Available to whatever. Available to what makes the Light Shine Bright. And every once in a while I pour a little Damiana into the shell at her feet and she seems pretty happy with that.
 Well, I've been home a few days and the injured space on my face isn't as angry. It's beginning to itch. The bandage (feels like a face cast sort of, really hard) is starting to peel off. I'm a little nervous about that. To see what I have to "work with" so to speak. There is one area under my eye that was pretty intense and has been painful. So I'm hoping that it will not be a difficult area to look at. I am going to Herbs and Arts on Thursday to see Mama Bear Kaewyn. She is a beautiful woman who is rightfully called Mama Bear. We are going to make me an herbal aromatherapy blend and look through some stones. Maybe get a ring and just heal the faerie way. The first time I ever went into her store I cried for 45 minutes. She took me into the back room where she had this amazing shrine built to Gaia and said that it was pretty normal. That those things happen in her store alot. Sooooo, since my magical Jamie is not local I will go sit with Kaewyn. Jamie turned me on to this scent she had created and it's all I think about. So I'm going to get the oils at the store. I know it won't be Jamie's (pouting) but it will still work I think. Kaewyn has very good Juju. I'm finally ready to begin the spirit and soul healing now that the physical part is not so in my face (pardon the pun). I have been very hooked on Amythest. It just feels sooooo soothing. I actually sleep with a very smooth stone in the palm of my hand and it is like a warm blanket of light. I have also been really deeply focused on the colors of orange, magenta, red, green and gold. Which are all brilliant colors of the heart chakra. And I can say with all honesty that I am positive that was opened in this process. Opened up wide and clear. So my paintings (that I am struggling with showing and sharing) are all reflective of that at this time. If you know my work, I very seldom if ever work in magenta and pink. All the faeries coming through (four of them) are males. That too is very interesting. Warrior, guardian, healing, emerging. My husband is ready to jump back on the horse (if you know what I mean) and I guess the feeling sexy part just hasn't shown up yet. Maybe Jamie (hint hint) will send me a bit of her Jasmine salts so I can get my mojo goin'. Anyway, that's what up here. Oh, and mental note to self, DO NOT watch Mary Shelly's Frankenstien (the one with Robert Deniro) after a trip like this. Not so good for the brain.
 While I was gone, I didn't have access to this blog. I did some on myspace. But really...I haven't wanted to say what's been going on too much.
I spent alot of time alone with my thoughts painting. Painting the healing colors for my regrowth.
I thought to myself today that I made so many choices last year. I had so much temptation thrown at me and could have traveled so many paths. But I chose the path I am on. And it is like I passed a test of somesort. Maybe if I ever write a book about my life I'll get into it more but trust me, it was serious life changing choice I was given last year.
My choice I made was made in the name of love. For no other reason than that. I had given myself many reasons to do many other things. But in the end...Love.
So that was my test. Sort of like, well Lisa-if you screw up here you will just be running in this circle for a while longer but if you choose well you get to go to the next level.
I now feel as if I've been gifted that next level.
Yeah, I walked out of LA with a 13 stitch long cut into my face that removed a tumor the size of a walnut. And that was a gift.
With this time I have been handed the opportunity to live through compassion, gratitude, and love. And although my face hurts, my soul is soaring and my heart grew three times bigger (like the grinch...grin....).
I know I need to get Dandelion. I also know it is representing new life through the pods and observing the power of a common weed. (The mother's wishing flower is what I call it though.)
Today I hung new paintings by my daughters in my office where everyone could see them. And I just enjoyed being a mother and wife.
L
 Today Lisa came to visit me. She told me it's okay to look at her scar and as I looked at her through the night, I imagined it healed. My roomie, Pilar, made us Kitcheri. This simple stew used as the primary food in PanchaKarma, the Ayurvedic cleansing therapy, immediately brought cell stimulation. Very healing. She'll have to tell you about it. That's her process. Then the lawyer called and I gave her figures. Time to let go of my fears about money. What I want more than anything is to be free. Free to be me. Free to surround myself with my people. Free to stop pretending and hiding so someone else can be comfortable. Free to be stinking proud of courageous living. Free to enjoy an artists' creative life without the need to know what's around every corner. Free to trust. We walked out to the bluffs that over look the park where I take my walks. I pointed out where the ocean was, but as it was night I just got to say, "the sea is where the lights end." I showed her the power plant that I envision as a dream factory, sending out little clouds of hope and possibility. Then as we turned, I saw the moonglow and Lisa pointed to the yellow ring on the horizon, behind Saddleback Mountain. It was the moon, at perigree, and we watched it rise and hugged. We came back and ate some Dandelion leaves to match the energy of her new picture (check out her myspace www.myspace.com/nykkifae and see the Last Painting before I go.) After I'm done here I'll add the Dandelion entry for The Faerie Herbalism book. It's really good to have friends on this journey.
I've decided that an effective way to begin writing The Faerie's Guide to Herbalism and Green Magick is to concentrate on one herb per week. The manuscript is due June 1, so I can just about do this. The idea is that I will have several days to mediate on each herb, to make a recipe with the herb, to plant it if necessary, or if it's already growing in my garden to sit with the plant and do my best to relate the fae energy. As I was gardening today, I looked over to a little fogotton spot and saw four jars of infused oil, stuffed with herbs that I had put there several weeks ago. One of those jars was filled with jasmine flowers. I took the jar inside and opened The Enchanted Diary to look at some recipes. Serendipitously I flipped to my Goddess Sugar Scrub recipe. I had just been telling my friend Dana that I really felt I needed to exfoliate. I felt I was moving along with my healing, but there was some residual paradigms and patterns that I needed to cleanse from my aura. The recipe called for 1/4 cup of oil. Guess how much I had? Oh yes, a quarter cup. I brought my Quan Yin statue to the kitchen to oversee the creation of my connoction. I sang Let it Be, calling on Mother Mary's energy, while I altered the recipe a little to accomodate the materials I had in the house. Of course, I found a jar the perfect size for my scrub. I also found that jasmine is sacred to the Goddess Diana and so the copal incense I burned was perfect, as well as the fact that tonight is a full moon at perigree (meaning close to the earth). I remembered that jasmine is growing out front of my house and visited the plant for a little inspiration while I wrote the jasmine entry for the book. Ahhh. This is fae magick at its best.
 Today I opened the blinds for the first time in three months.
It feels like five months, because that’s when I moved out of the bedroom that I shared with my husband of fourteen years. I slept in the guest room the very day I returned from FairieWorlds in Eugene, Oregon. Being in that fae energy as Lugh’s long hand pointed out the sun’s rays of fading light,
I knew I couldn’t enter into the Dark Times with such a heavy heart and eyes closed to the pain.
After FaerieCon in Philadelphia I moved out. I found a Goddess friend, another mama who had a room for rent down the street from the kids’ school. Financial security had been a concern but with her ready-made home (including a room full of furniture for me) and a sale at Linens N Things, I moved in for $41. Yeah for abundant thoughts! On the first day in the “Canyon Cottage” I closed the blinds and covered them with a dark tapestry and beads so that only filtered light could escape. Then I took a long nap. For three months I’ve used my room as my cave of healing. I’d go home to the big house for three days on with the kids (the boys stay in the house and the adults shelp back and forth). Then for three days off, I’d go back to the cave – the recluse – Where I could find myself again and explore how I show up in relationships. Pilar, my roommate, doesn’t have a coffeemaker (or a microwave for that matter, but we do have a blender). So whenever I stayed here, I had to make due with tea. I chose Jasmine Green Tea. During the autumn’s windy months, I applied tons of Jasmine oil. Jasmine was a fortunate choice since this flower is sacred to Quan Yin, the Goddess of Compassion, as well as Mother Mary. Compassion is what I need most today – for myself and everyone else intimately connected to me as I make this transition. And now my heart has been lifted by friends – old and new, by new acquaintances, mystery, serendipity, trust and hope. So today I lifted the tapestry and opened the blinds. For the first time since October 19, light spilled into my room.
I leave tomorrow for my surgery and am actually feeling really positive. For the last few years I've lived into so many what if scenarios and now I just see myself getting it over with and being happy. Thank goodness because the mind trip was blowing me away really. So here is what they are doing Friday. He is going to put me completely out. Then for at least two hours he is going to remove each rebellious vein (I have a tumor in my cheek about the size of a quarter that is made up primarily of rouge veins gone awry.). One by one they will be cleaned out, some no bigger than the size of a spider web! Then each little tiny vien will be cautarized (I have no idea how to spell that). Once they are removed he's going to wash the spot out really good, fill it up with my own face fat (lovely) pull the skin up tight, I may be losing some skin but it's damaged; then sew the baby shut. The incision is 2.5 cm long and under my left eye. Then I'll wake up and after a few days I'll go back and he'll pull the stitches out before it can heal all the way and Super Glue it shut. Sounds fun eh? I'm really happy to finally get it over with. This has been a horrible experience because I have such a vivid imagination. And I just kept on visualizing sooooo many different scenarios. Anyway, I'm almost done with another painting. It's dandelion. Funny, it just showed up and I came home and looked up dandelion properties and they have to do with vascular, and cleansing and antibiotic..etc...gotta love the ironic play here. Layta!
Hey all. I figured since Jamie covered the purpose of our blogging, I'd give you the message that I wrote to go with the image our blog begins with. The Forbidden Fruit ‘Tis better to stay blind and walk in uncertainty, than know thyself. For if one learns to love all that is within, and all that is without, how will any other reign over? And therein lies the power,the responsibility, and the danger of being one who thinks.~Lisa Steinke 2008
 Here we are. The first day. The first blog for the Faerie's Guide to Herbalism and Green Magick. When Lisa and I first spoke about creating a book together of her illustrations and my words Lisa created this painting to capture the essence of that story. So I think it's appropriate to begin with our blog with the golden apple - the fruit whose seeds form a heart and a star, depending on how you slice it. That's kind of like life. Depending on how you slice it, you get different pictures - a different puzzle when you fit the pieces together in unique ways.
The heart to me represents unconditional love, the guiding omnipresent force that reminds me on life's journey, nothing that happens is ever personal in a vindictive way. It's always an opportunity for growth. Everyone is just doing their own thing and each has at her or his core the unconditional love force that binds us all together. The nettle doesn't get mad at the bay tree for growing tall above it for the shade provides the exact lighting the nettle needs to grow. Plus for us humans, it also provides the anecdote to the sting of the nettle.
The star represents two very important ideas to me. One that it is the four elements (earth, air, fire and water) in harmony with Spirit and two the star in the tarot deck, which represents reflection, rebirth, renewal and hope. Both the heart and the star bring me back to my word for the new year: available. I am available to love, to hope, to change. I'm available to the mystery, the magic - a willingness to whatever. I'm drinking my jasmine tea as I wean from coffee. And as I write this blog I looked down and saw braided ribbons that were woven together on the Spring Equinox many years ago when my spiritual mentor was alive. It wasn't there an hour ago, but there it is now. Kind of like hope or love - you find it as it comes to you and as long as you're available, the magic will weave wonders in your life. Welcome to our blog.
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