Freedom

I'm moving out on my own for the first time ever and I feel so free, so excited. I've waited so long, there's only a little fear. Mostly excitement. I used to get upset chastising myself for waiting so long.

But we make those moves when we are ready. And that is the wisest choice.

It's so empowering to be in my own place. I can hardly believe it. I feel so grown up. I've left just a couple things in my room I've rented for teh last six months - the things I brought with me on my first few days here in October. I wanted to wake up and remember the simplicity of that first brave move and empower myself for the next one. It's a complete circle.

I've smudged the place twice. Of course, the herb I'm working with this week is sage. I love how that herb can calm me when I'm feeling sad or out of body, unprotected, ungrounded, out of sorts and just brings me to a place of centered calm and strength. It helped me today when I tried so hard to force a friendship relationship on my wuz-ben.

I suffer sometimes from a savior's complex. I always blame it on being first born, first grandchild and being born near Jesus' said bday. As if I picked up the "passion" out of osomosis. It's really not my job to enlighten anyone. We all have our own path and as we are one, no path is above another.

I am just so thrilled the pain is over. I'm so ecstatic to have my own place. It feels like I'm dreaming....

Coming back

So the last time I was in Cali, they removed a tumor from my face. 4cm long and 2 cm deep.
It was hard but deeply profound. As if I had moved to the next spiritual level. Like I had graduated. This time going to Cali was for a different reason. I did need to go for post-op. But really hadn't planned to go back so soon. Then I had a friend invite me to her 40th birthday.

Wow.

I thought that spiritual graduation meant leaving the baggage, the temptation, the insecurity behind. For a few weeks I had definitely had that experience. But I thought it was permanent.
The first day I had a shot in my face. (Again) Then the doctor gave me the images they took while documenting the thing being cut from my cheek.
As soon as I got to my friends house I wanted to see it. I did the first thing the next morning.
It had impact.

For three days we hung out. My friend and her husband and his family. Within the three days I spent most of that time not being very serious. Hanging out with Russ and screwing off. It was hard though. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get past the incision and how different it made me look.

Yet the people around me seemed more attracted to me than ever. LA still wanted me there and so did the party. It was confusing to say the least. To feel pretty, like really attractive when so aware of something so obstructed. That was a strange paradigm.

There was a checkered dance floor and fog. They had an oil lamp kind of thing that lit up the wall.
The music went on and I just started to dance. I forgot the people.
I took a little time and wrote these poems in the middle of it all. There was music because the TV was unplugged. So we listened to allot of it.

This is what I wrote:

I am dancing.
Swirling neon black.
Lost in the energy,
Swimming in the atoms.
Give me time.
Almost there.
Being gentle with me and you.
Us.
Love abound with treasure.
Treasure.

The next day the dance floor was blank. Checkered black and white stripped of people. That was when I chose to paint. I felt something coming through so I squirted the acrylic on the canvas and began massaging the image in the painting. No brush. Just me and my lover in the painting.

After I completed two images I went to my room and I wrote.

I am becoming tired of numbing my mind.
To feel too normal-it is too normal.
Reality has become a paradigm that has shifted into another vortex.
As it all speeds up I numb myself to enjoy the trails in the stars as they speed by.
I try to count them, but like the yellow lines on the highway,
They move too fast.
I lose count-then control.
I live on instinct and raw impulse.
I lick the flesh of the holy grail and dink the nectar with the Goddess.
And then I humbly sleep-my head in her breast.

I cried on the way home.
And when I got there, I was able to take my energy and pour it into my husband.
He looked at me, the way he did when we first met. As if I were alive and vibrant.
The incision became invisible. At least for that moment.

L

Learning a few things

I haven't said much lately about the post surgery impact. For a bit I was very much in my head. That was okay, I was looking at the world through new eyes and found it magical. Then I went through a period of making myself too busy.


That didn't work very well because of the down moments when I experience the emotional rush from the physical and spiritual trauma caused by the surgery. It gets forgotten and buried.


Recently I had a "bad" day. We all know what that means as reality is not what we push away and hide, but what we face and deal with.

So again, I had this day and really found it an interesting experience. It came on as a flood of emotions that I then attached to my thinking. Not thinking then feeling...feeling and then attaching.

I attached the ideas of me being too fat, too old, too wrinkled, too saggy, too scarred, and I filled up with self pity. It was a brilliant drama with all of the making of a good made for Hallmark Movie.

It took me about 3 hours to finally come back down out of the tree and realize I was still feeling, but no longer thinking.

Then it dawned on me that I felt the same way I did before I created the story to go with it. Go figure. So the whole episode, while very entertaining, was invalid.

Hmmmmmm....now what?

So I went to a friend's house and we chatted about my mood. She analyzed, dissected, rationalized and all the while felt that she was in a losing battle.

The reason was, there was no reason. It was simply a feeling. A feeling of sadness, probably left over purging from the surgery. That is all. One cannot do much with that to fix. It is a healthy problem actually.

I told her that I had decided the best way to handle the emotion was to do nothing about it at all, but rather to allow it to flow through and be on its way. That way it holds no power over me. I need not dwell in my head nor store it for later. This energy clearly wanted release and my only job was to allow it to go.

Next day, I felt much better and am back to my "normal" (whatever that looks like) self.

In conclusion to this little bit here, please remember that all emotions are valid. They may not need to be attached to anything and may just want to let that energy out of our body to allow us to stay at ease. Hence "everyone needs a good cry now and then" no?





On a good note? Our brick and mortar store was just named Best New Store on Colfax. YAYYY!!! I’m totally thrilled by this as there has been so much work put into it. It’s awesome to get the recognition. For those who don’t know Colfax, it’s one of the longest streets in all of Denver. It goes from one end of this huge metro valley, clear to the other side! Yayyyyy!!!

Aquarius Meets Pluto

They say the Darkest Hour is right before dawn. And since the dawn of the New Year, according to native traditions, is heralded by the Spring Equinox and happens tomorrow, I'd say we've been in Pluto's territory fer sure!!

Pluto or Hades, depending on your Roman or Greek affiliations, is the god of the Underworld, of Mystery and Quiet. He rules the dead and his wife Persephone helps the dying cross. Pluto is also the planet (or large rock or energy mass if you must be scientific) that controls transformation.

So amidst this amazing dawning of Aquarius, many of my friends, perhaps you included, have been experiencing a series of deaths, either loved ones to the other side or ideas or belief systems or relationships. All must die to keep life going. Aquarius teaches of independence, ferocious fight for free will and free thinking. With Aquarius we can begin to let go of attachments and begin to trust the wind. To allow for the death and rebirth cycle of life.

Beginning in 2008 until 2023, Pluto has come to visit Capricorn, ruled by the work horse of a God, Saturn. (I say this with all due respect to my ruling planet). Pluto has a way of minning to the bottom of a situation to find power. Capricorn has a way of utilizing power and making you live your integrity. Presto manifesto! Pluto will unearth anything in your depths to help you actualize to the best of your abilities. A veritible tabla rasa, or sweeping of the decks. And yet, soul family, if we're to complete the work of transforming the world, we must first commit ourselves to a deep relationship to our souls.

That's all the Dark Night is teaching us. However, with a sigh of relief, I say welcome Spring! Welcome Kore! Welcome to the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius! I could use a breather.

The Age of Aquarius

Many of us know that Aquarius is now here. For over 2,000 years we will be living under a new sign, with planets realigned to guide us through our lives.
A vortex has been opened. A block removed. The energies that have been building for years have finally been released and it is as if we have been given spiritual manifestation steriods.

It is our turn.

Finally, after all of the struggle and burden the butterfly has been given freedom to fly and move into the next stage of life.

Now is the time for us to grab on to what we have always known and show it powerfully to the world. The world is ready as we move in this new house of love and harmony. The awakening is just the beginning and as the light workers and healers, our responsibility is lying wide open before us.

Very exciting and powerful times for us my friends. I do not say this lightly.

Be very careful what you ask for. DO NOT FORGET THE FINE PRINT.

For at this moment our powers of connection to the collective conciousness are beyond anything we have ever imagined. The 100th monkey has peeled its bannana and now the new way of thinking is spreading around the world.


Welcom to the 5th demension.

L

I've begun packing

This weekend I've been thinking of writing recipes for chamomile (inspired by a Got Peace? bumper sticker) and ginger to fight the nausea of this next stage of divorce. That's ginger in the image to the left. Instead I guess I'm living the need and then I'll write the ritual to move out of the discomfort.

I've begun packing. Choosing which pictures to take from the walls, trying not to leave too many holes in the walls, because, well somehow I want to try to make everyone feel like this transition is natural and okay - just as natural as Kevin and I drifting apart. No one to blame, just life. And then it's my son's 10th bday on Friday, and we really don't need to stir up any extra drama. So I'll postpone the ripping down of the rest of the wall hangings until waaay after the slumber party.

Still the process must begin.

The U-Haul boxes were stacked in the rafters in the attic. I stood on a chair and poked the boxes with a broom to make them fall down. On top of the boxes was a slightly familiar blue bag, which came tumbling down with the boxes. It was my wedding dress, spilling out of the bag. I thought about getting all sentimental and saving it, but then realized my daughter Ali would never be caught dead wearing this poofy early 90's number, so I threw it in the Salvation Army pile. That was rather empowering and healing.

I packed up my most magickal items that have been stored in a very pretty pine Mexican armoir with inlaid calla lilies. I thought of my high priestess Connie and how we burned all her magickal items in a big bonfire at her funeral. I remembered the times when I was more immersed in my magick and herbal lore... before everything went sideways and how after that most of my attention went to keeping my family together. I became the glue until it was broken beyond repair.

I packed boxes of clothes and books and hid the boxes under tapestries and blankets in closets, so hopefully the kids won't see these boxes everywhere and feel they are being abandoned by mama. I don't know that they will. My eldest looked at my trinkets and asked how all this was going to fit in the small place we were moving to. Time for a garage sale, I said.

Seriously this kind of pressure is definite birth control.

There was a family party today. In other words about 30 people, mas o menos. Some of the aunties asked where Kevin was. I said, probably with his girlfriend before I could stop myself and so I had to explain... They congratulated me. Said it was a long time coming. I'm going to be okay.

True story: security is over-rated. That is certain. And I can honestly say I do feel quite alive right now. I guess my strongest rocket of desire in this moment would be to focus more on the exhileration than the fear, more on the possibilities than the guilt, more trust in the unknown...

Isn't that life?

Following Nature's Guide

I'm a tree hugging dirt worshipper and I always have been. People ask me how I got led to magick and earth spirituality and I tell them it's a combination of a Catholic mother, a Christian Science father, one nana who was a psychic and one nana who died before I was born (so how could I not believe in the spiritual world?), an absentee birth father (so how could I not believe in miracles?) and an affinity to being barefoot and outside, while my best friends were trees.

I've been writing books and teaching classes on following nature as a teacher. And I do a pretty good job of riding the seasons and paying attention to the cycles of nature in my spiritual life. What I'm not so great at is walking the human walk. I spend so much time in my mind, analyzing things or finding deep symbolism that sometimes (oftentimes) I find the mundane steps suffocating. I want to fly - to burst forth - to sing my heart song.

When there's pain, I drum, or howl at the moon or splash in the ocean. Sometimes I crash cars, other times I pick fights with friends or family. I don't find it easy to sit and allow the process to unfold like a rose or the unfurling of a fern leaf. I rush forward at top speed looking for answers, so I can rest on my laurels in peace. And as in the case of the last couple of weeks when the tough gets going, I just add more hot sauce. Fight fire with fire until you're too exhausted to remember the pain.

Truth is, my family is breaking up and that makes me sad. It's not that I want to turn around or go back. I want to go forward and I am, day by day, packing box by packing box. But still, a dream is dying and I have to face it.

Today Lisa reminded me about the wisdom of the flower that sits for a time in the dark and stillness of Mother Earth, then moves ever so slowly from bud to blossom. She reminded me that I am birthing a new self and if I push too hard, too fast, I’ll tear. And that’s never good, plus it really, really hurts. It’s much wiser to follow nature’s example and allow yourself to open gradually. That I won’t likely be jumping from where I sit in this big house to another big house. I’ll be downsizing to make ends meet on my own. And that's okay, because just like the plants we prune to help them reach their fullest, most aromatic, most lush, I must give in to this death process so that I can be reborn better than before.

Okay, Lis, I’ll try…

Pantheacon

Pantheacon is a pagan conference held in northern California for the last 15 years. This year I had a little booth. It was really cute and I hope to have pictures soon from Rees, Carla and Sheree, the people who were selling witch hats next to me. I tried on a hat called Rodeo, which was fun!

At the conference I met up with my friend Diana Disimone who owns Tree of Life Bookstore in San Diego, California. She's been expanding her herbal line and is going to donate a recipe to our book. Rabbit, a storyteller, herbalist and owner of Sacred Wells in Oakland, California has been creating different herbal oils and is also going to give us a recipe. I love expanding the wealth of knowledge by having many people offer recipes to the book. Jeff Winters taught classes on making Damiana fruit elixers. I tried blueberry, blackberry and peach Damiana. YUM! I hope Jeff decides to give us a recipe. Send your mojo his way, cuz these were some fine drinks!

I also had the Rose Geranium Hand Salve available for sampling. I've been putting it on so much, my nails have begun to grow. Gotta love it!

I love going to conferences, fairs and festivals to sell my books or give talks. At these themed events, whether faerie, renaissance, Celtic or pagan, I feel surrounded by my kin folk – other people who have chosen a life of passion and I drink deep from their eyes, where I am honored for singing my heart song, for being true to myself. Then perhaps most importantly, looking deep into my own eyes, I find unconditional love for my individual spirit. When I bask in this acceptance, I find deep appreciation for life’s gifts that surround me and move through me. In fact, I feel so at home in my own skin that I become unzipped.

To be unzipped means that you shed the masks you wear that make others comfortable, the guises that make you look like everyone else. You are authentically, screamingly, uniquely you. Unzipped means that you’ve let out your free, childlike self and are living in the present moment, in love with life and all that it has to offer. Being unzipped means releasing fear, dissolving blocks, eradicating excuses. To each, being unzipped looks different, but I would venture to say it all feels like you’re riding the back of the wind, at peace with life and ready to make whatever changes necessary to live this way every day, not just on Faire Day.

Writing this book makes me feel unzipped.

Fiji Magick

This is a picture of Fiji. It is it’s own little ecosystem in a jar. How cool is that?
The significance of this image is remarkable.

It represents organic growth and self sustainability.

Now the really interesting part is this is a gift from my friend and co-author Jamie Wood.

When we met we worked together. Then drifted apart, then back together. In the back together phase Jamie had done this very amazing women’s retreat in Fiji that inspired so many women to “let themselves out”. It was raw and of the earth and pure spirit.

She brought back from this experience a rock. And a jar of water. Then she gave it to me.

One day I was looking at them and they kept scattering and just falling into the abyss in my house so I decided to drop the rock into the water.
No intention. Just Instinct.

Then I let it go.

Out of that has grown this self sustaining eco-system that frankly, won’t die. I’ve stuck it in boxes, it’s been shook up, my children have handled it and nothing has killed it.


This is such a powerful symbol of releasing all expectation and fear. Of following instinct and watching the outcome when we get out of our own way.
Whenever Jamie and I get stuck in a box, we remember Fiji. The magick created on that journey. The magick created by instinct. And what happens when we step out of our box …created by fear and control and analysis…and just let the rock and the water do their trick.

That is how we work together. She provides the rock and the water. I drop it in the jar and let it grow.

How freakin’ amazing is that?

Freya & Damiana

Lisa and I decided that Freya was actually a better choice for Damiana. I think once you see what I've written about this sexy Goddess, you'll know why.

(All I can say, is ever since I wrote about this beauty, I've been wearing my amber necklace almost every day.)

Excerpt from The Faerie's Guide ot Herbalism and Green Magick

"When using Damiana for its aphrodisiac qualities, we suggest paring with Freya, the Norse goddess of sensual love and war. Usually depicted as a spectacular strawberry blond with stunning blue eyes, Freya’s unbridled sexuality was legendary and far surpassed any other exploits of Goddesses of Love or Beauty throughout the world’s pantheons. She was revered by women as the keeper of lust and sexual pleasure. Freya had many lovers, although she deeply adored her husband Od. In ancient times, monogamy had not been invented and infidelity was the social norm.

Outside of the bedroom, Freya still held considerable power. She had the right to claim half the souls of the bravest warriors who died in battle. Visiting the battlefield, she gathered fallen soldiers and took them back with her to Valhalla, to live in perpetual rest and recreation. When Freya and the Valkyries rode forth on their missions, their armor caused the beautiful flickering light that we know as the Aurora Borealis, or Northern Lights. She wore a falcon cloak and rode in a chariot drawn by two large cats. Her magical necklace made by dwarves of amber and rubies was called a "brisling" or "brisingamen" made her irresistible.

Freya's passions were abundant, vigorous, and unrestrained. She reminds us to explore and acknowledge all of our emotions, longings, and traits. Clothed or not, she is usually shown in sensual poses. Since Friday was named after the Goddess Freya, try making your Damiana Liqueur on Friday to truly bring out the Freya in you.

In each one of us exists a powerfully sensual being. When she turns on her sex appeal, like Freya, none can resist her. Her passion cannot be contained – it knows no limits or boundaries and is free from all shame or condemnation. For not only does she possess alluring sensuality, she is also fierce and commanding. She is Divine. She is Deity. She is your Sacred Slut – your Holy Whore and you’ve ignored her for far too long. Are you cringing? Remember, if it were not for Her lustful energy, Her desire to couple, humanity would not exist. She is holy to all who live. And she’s waiting for you to take her out of the darkness and bring her to the light – to put her on her rightful pedestal where she can be admired and adored."

This excerpt is followed with a recipe and mediation for making Damiana Liqueur. I'll be testing the recipe in the month of February, near Imbolc. February was named after the Latin term februum, which means purification. Imbolc also celebrates purification, of which the ancient definition is "free from spiritual pollution." And sisters and brothers, I think our sexuality could all use a little purifying to return it to its rightful and sacred place in humanity. Don't you?

Healing All Day Every Day

That scent Lisa is talking about is Jasmine that's been infused in almond oil for a month. The recipe for the sugar scrub will be in the Faerie's Guide to Herbalism and Green Magick!

And Lisa, you should remember it was sugar not salt because you accidentally ate it since it smelled so good. But it's even better when you scrub that amazing scent all over your body, rinse, then follow up with Jasmine oil.

Yeah baby, that'll get your motor running....

Another herb to help in that loving feeling is Damiana, which I was introduced to in liquor form at the Northern California's Women Herbal Symposium in Laytonville. Imagine a group of a hundred women dancing under the stars around a bonfire to wild drumming and drinking the sweet syrupy liquor with a nice little bite. Lots of howling. Lots of happy men when we return.

Talk of Damiana brings me back around to my journey through the rebirth of my own sexuality and sensuality after the cord cutting process of a dissolved marriage. It's perfect timing really that I could be an inspiration to Lisa - post surgery - to feeling the innate beauty inside every woman. A reminder that our beauty is really in our confidence, the way we carry ourselves, the way we love ourselves.

I have been working with Aphrodite to help me find the sacred and divine in my version of the feminine sexuality, which is some combination of Mae West, Lady Godiva and a Wild Fae Chick I'm free to make choices for who I want to spend time with for the first time in 14 years. I'm no longer stuck with a contract or because I said I would until the day I died. Well, I did die in that marriage. And only through sheer courage and more love for myself than fear of the unknown did I make this stand for life again. It feels scary and exhilerating. Aphrodite is very gentle with me. My statue of her is open and beautiful (it's not exactly like the one above, but it's close).

Aphrodite embodies my guiding word for the year "available." Available to Life in all it's forms. Available to whatever. Available to what makes the Light Shine Bright. And every once in a while I pour a little Damiana into the shell at her feet and she seems pretty happy with that.

To begin to heal

Well, I've been home a few days and the injured space on my face isn't as angry. It's beginning to itch. The bandage (feels like a face cast sort of, really hard) is starting to peel off.

I'm a little nervous about that. To see what I have to "work with" so to speak. There is one area under my eye that was pretty intense and has been painful. So I'm hoping that it will not be a difficult area to look at.

I am going to Herbs and Arts on Thursday to see Mama Bear Kaewyn. She is a beautiful woman who is rightfully called Mama Bear. We are going to make me an herbal aromatherapy blend and look through some stones. Maybe get a ring and just heal the faerie way.

The first time I ever went into her store I cried for 45 minutes. She took me into the back room where she had this amazing shrine built to Gaia and said that it was pretty normal. That those things happen in her store alot.

Sooooo, since my magical Jamie is not local I will go sit with Kaewyn. Jamie turned me on to this scent she had created and it's all I think about. So I'm going to get the oils at the store. I know it won't be Jamie's (pouting) but it will still work I think. Kaewyn has very good Juju.

I'm finally ready to begin the spirit and soul healing now that the physical part is not so in my face (pardon the pun).

I have been very hooked on Amythest. It just feels sooooo soothing. I actually sleep with a very smooth stone in the palm of my hand and it is like a warm blanket of light. I have also been really deeply focused on the colors of orange, magenta, red, green and gold. Which are all brilliant colors of the heart chakra. And I can say with all honesty that I am positive that was opened in this process. Opened up wide and clear.

So my paintings (that I am struggling with showing and sharing) are all reflective of that at this time.

If you know my work, I very seldom if ever work in magenta and pink.

All the faeries coming through (four of them) are males. That too is very interesting. Warrior, guardian, healing, emerging.

My husband is ready to jump back on the horse (if you know what I mean) and I guess the feeling sexy part just hasn't shown up yet. Maybe Jamie (hint hint) will send me a bit of her Jasmine salts so I can get my mojo goin'.

Anyway, that's what up here.

Oh, and mental note to self, DO NOT watch Mary Shelly's Frankenstien (the one with Robert Deniro) after a trip like this. Not so good for the brain.

The other end

While I was gone, I didn't have access to this blog. I did some on myspace. But really...I haven't wanted to say what's been going on too much.

I spent alot of time alone with my thoughts painting. Painting the healing colors for my regrowth.

I thought to myself today that I made so many choices last year. I had so much temptation thrown at me and could have traveled so many paths. But I chose the path I am on. And it is like I passed a test of somesort. Maybe if I ever write a book about my life I'll get into it more but trust me, it was serious life changing choice I was given last year.

My choice I made was made in the name of love. For no other reason than that. I had given myself many reasons to do many other things. But in the end...Love.

So that was my test. Sort of like, well Lisa-if you screw up here you will just be running in this circle for a while longer but if you choose well you get to go to the next level.

I now feel as if I've been gifted that next level.

Yeah, I walked out of LA with a 13 stitch long cut into my face that removed a tumor the size of a walnut. And that was a gift.

With this time I have been handed the opportunity to live through compassion, gratitude, and love. And although my face hurts, my soul is soaring and my heart grew three times bigger (like the grinch...grin....).

I know I need to get Dandelion. I also know it is representing new life through the pods and observing the power of a common weed. (The mother's wishing flower is what I call it though.)

Today I hung new paintings by my daughters in my office where everyone could see them. And I just enjoyed being a mother and wife.

L

Healing Lisa and Jamie

Today Lisa came to visit me. She told me it's okay to look at her scar and as I looked at her through the night, I imagined it healed.

My roomie, Pilar, made us Kitcheri. This simple stew used as the primary food in PanchaKarma, the Ayurvedic cleansing therapy, immediately brought cell stimulation. Very healing. She'll have to tell you about it. That's her process.

Then the lawyer called and I gave her figures. Time to let go of my fears about money. What I want more than anything is to be free. Free to be me. Free to surround myself with my people. Free to stop pretending and hiding so someone else can be comfortable. Free to be stinking proud of courageous living. Free to enjoy an artists' creative life without the need to know what's around every corner. Free to trust.

We walked out to the bluffs that over look the park where I take my walks. I pointed out where the ocean was, but as it was night I just got to say, "the sea is where the lights end." I showed her the power plant that I envision as a dream factory, sending out little clouds of hope and possibility.

Then as we turned, I saw the moonglow and Lisa pointed to the yellow ring on the horizon, behind Saddleback Mountain. It was the moon, at perigree, and we watched it rise and hugged.

We came back and ate some Dandelion leaves to match the energy of her new picture (check out her myspace www.myspace.com/nykkifae and see the Last Painting before I go.) After I'm done here I'll add the Dandelion entry for The Faerie Herbalism book.

It's really good to have friends on this journey.

More Lessons From Jasmine

I've decided that an effective way to begin writing The Faerie's Guide to Herbalism and Green Magick is to concentrate on one herb per week. The manuscript is due June 1, so I can just about do this. The idea is that I will have several days to mediate on each herb, to make a recipe with the herb, to plant it if necessary, or if it's already growing in my garden to sit with the plant and do my best to relate the fae energy.

As I was gardening today, I looked over to a little fogotton spot and saw four jars of infused oil, stuffed with herbs that I had put there several weeks ago. One of those jars was filled with jasmine flowers. I took the jar inside and opened The Enchanted Diary to look at some recipes. Serendipitously I flipped to my Goddess Sugar Scrub recipe. I had just been telling my friend Dana that I really felt I needed to exfoliate. I felt I was moving along with my healing, but there was some residual paradigms and patterns that I needed to cleanse from my aura.

The recipe called for 1/4 cup of oil. Guess how much I had? Oh yes, a quarter cup. I brought my Quan Yin statue to the kitchen to oversee the creation of my connoction. I sang Let it Be, calling on Mother Mary's energy, while I altered the recipe a little to accomodate the materials I had in the house. Of course, I found a jar the perfect size for my scrub. I also found that jasmine is sacred to the Goddess Diana and so the copal incense I burned was perfect, as well as the fact that tonight is a full moon at perigree (meaning close to the earth). I remembered that jasmine is growing out front of my house and visited the plant for a little inspiration while I wrote the jasmine entry for the book.

Ahhh. This is fae magick at its best.

Compassion

Today I opened the blinds for the first time in three months.

It feels like five months, because that’s when I moved out of the bedroom that I shared with my husband of fourteen years. I slept in the guest room the very day I returned from FairieWorlds in Eugene, Oregon. Being in that fae energy as Lugh’s long hand pointed out the sun’s rays of fading light,

I knew I couldn’t enter into the Dark Times with such a heavy heart and eyes closed to the pain.

After FaerieCon in Philadelphia I moved out. I found a Goddess friend, another mama who had a room for rent down the street from the kids’ school. Financial security had been a concern but with her ready-made home (including a room full of furniture for me) and a sale at Linens N Things, I moved in for $41.

Yeah for abundant thoughts!

On the first day in the “Canyon Cottage” I closed the blinds and covered them with a dark tapestry and beads so that only filtered light could escape. Then I took a long nap. For three months I’ve used my room as my cave of healing. I’d go home to the big house for three days on with the kids (the boys stay in the house and the adults shelp back and forth). Then for three days off, I’d go back to the cave – the recluse –

Where I could find myself again and explore how I show up in relationships.

Pilar, my roommate, doesn’t have a coffeemaker (or a microwave for that matter, but we do have a blender). So whenever I stayed here, I had to make due with tea. I chose Jasmine Green Tea. During the autumn’s windy months, I applied tons of Jasmine oil. Jasmine was a fortunate choice since this flower is sacred to Quan Yin, the Goddess of Compassion, as well as Mother Mary.

Compassion is what I need most today – for myself and everyone else intimately connected to me as I make this transition.

And now my heart has been lifted by friends – old and new, by new acquaintances, mystery, serendipity, trust and hope. So today I lifted the tapestry and opened the blinds. For the first time since October 19, light spilled into my room.

Getting ready

I leave tomorrow for my surgery and am actually feeling really positive. For the last few years I've lived into so many what if scenarios and now I just see myself getting it over with and being happy. Thank goodness because the mind trip was blowing me away really.

So here is what they are doing Friday. He is going to put me completely out. Then for at least two hours he is going to remove each rebellious vein (I have a tumor in my cheek about the size of a quarter that is made up primarily of rouge veins gone awry.).

One by one they will be cleaned out, some no bigger than the size of a spider web! Then each little tiny vien will be cautarized (I have no idea how to spell that). Once they are removed he's going to wash the spot out really good, fill it up with my own face fat (lovely) pull the skin up tight, I may be losing some skin but it's damaged; then sew the baby shut. The incision is 2.5 cm long and under my left eye.

Then I'll wake up and after a few days I'll go back and he'll pull the stitches out before it can heal all the way and Super Glue it shut.

Sounds fun eh?

I'm really happy to finally get it over with. This has been a horrible experience because I have such a vivid imagination. And I just kept on visualizing sooooo many different scenarios.

Anyway, I'm almost done with another painting. It's dandelion. Funny, it just showed up and I came home and looked up dandelion properties and they have to do with vascular, and cleansing and antibiotic..etc...gotta love the ironic play here.

Layta!

The Forbidden Fruit

Hey all. I figured since Jamie covered the purpose of our blogging, I'd give you the message that I wrote to go with the image our blog begins with.

The Forbidden Fruit
‘Tis better to stay blind and walk in uncertainty, than know thyself. For if one learns to love all that is within, and all that is without, how will any other reign over? And therein lies the power,the responsibility, and the danger of being one who thinks.~Lisa Steinke 2008

A New Day - A New Year

Here we are. The first day. The first blog for the Faerie's Guide to Herbalism and Green Magick.

When Lisa and I first spoke about creating a book together of her illustrations and my words Lisa created this painting to capture the essence of that story. So I think it's appropriate to begin with our blog with the golden apple - the fruit whose seeds form a heart and a star, depending on how you slice it.

That's kind of like life. Depending on how you slice it, you get different pictures - a different puzzle when you fit the pieces together in unique ways.

The heart to me represents unconditional love, the guiding omnipresent force that reminds me on life's journey, nothing that happens is ever personal in a vindictive way. It's always an opportunity for growth. Everyone is just doing their own thing and each has at her or his core the unconditional love force that binds us all together. The nettle doesn't get mad at the bay tree for growing tall above it for the shade provides the exact lighting the nettle needs to grow. Plus for us humans, it also provides the anecdote to the sting of the nettle.

The star represents two very important ideas to me. One that it is the four elements (earth, air, fire and water) in harmony with Spirit and two the star in the tarot deck, which represents reflection, rebirth, renewal and hope.

Both the heart and the star bring me back to my word for the new year: available. I am available to love, to hope, to change. I'm available to the mystery, the magic - a willingness to whatever. I'm drinking my jasmine tea as I wean from coffee. And as I write this blog I looked down and saw braided ribbons that were woven together on the Spring Equinox many years ago when my spiritual mentor was alive. It wasn't there an hour ago, but there it is now. Kind of like hope or love - you find it as it comes to you and as long as you're available, the magic will weave wonders in your life.

Welcome to our blog.